spiritual growth

It finally hit me why I have reached a stagnant point in my spiritual journey in church today – I haven’t been trying my best to share the good news of God’s love with others. I’ve been trying to escape, and giving various excuses. But I’m so tired of being distant from God now because I know I have to stop running away from Him.
It was during an announcement for registration for an evangelical course that the church was organizing. A mother and her 2 daughters shared with the congregation about their experiences and I felt a tug in my heart when the mother mentioned that she used to feel that God was really distant from her but now, He’s so near because she and the team really feel His presence with them each time they bring someone to Christ. I really yearn to feel that closeness with God. I love being able to hear His voice – during worship, prayer, listening to sermons, doing my devotionals. And I have learnt to really cherish the times that I have been able to attend church, to join fellowships, to just praise and worship God and learn His word. Before going to Edmonton, I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to attend church anymore as our auntie, who is the only one that drives, isn’t a Christian and the buses don’t run much on Sundays. But God is amazing cos He provided us with loving aunties and uncles from our church to drive the 2 of us and our uncle to church each Sunday and back home after the service. It’s not always easy when the weather can be bad and we live so far from church but through the sun & snow, we were able to attend church almost every Sunday. During that year in Edmonton, I looked forward to each Sunday (Sunday school with Uncle Gary and good times during the service later on =D) and always came home renewed with strength for the rest of the week of school, babysitting & work. I think I grew a lot closer to God during that year, especially since it was our first time being really away from home. I remember asking Him what was I doing in Edmonton and not continuing my education in Singapore (learning calculus and trig and all the other stuff that we’d already learnt a few years ago); what was I doing loving and occasionally feeling annoyed playing with the kids all afternoon and all night, trying to pretend that we weren’t in the house so that we could get some time to ourselves (& Amanda locking up herself in the washroom so that she could prepare for her test the following day =P); why our parents weren’t either in HK or Canada but in Singapore & why did we have to move around so much; and of course, what did God want me to do with my life. I remember feeling so stressed out about choosing between UT Life Science and UW’s Biotech/CA that I had stomach cramps for a few days. It seemed so hard to decide at that time but everything makes sense now =) God provided me with the best path even though I have a few courses to catch-up on but it’s all good. And I get to be gradually less dependent on Amanda…got to learn to find my way around by myself =)
I’m wondering now that if I had been in UT, it might have been even harder for me to attend church every Sundays. We have it so easy in Waterloo cos of the shuttle buses, and the sisters & brothers who can drive us on snow days =)
And of course I’m so glad to have CCF as my spiritual home in Canada. I’m really excited for fall retreat which is going to focus on evangelism and discipleship. I’ve always wanted to learn more about evangelism cos right now, when I’m talking to my grandmother about our faith, I can’t really get deep into it and I’m not sure if she really understands although she says that she believes in Jesus. But one thing I’ll try to overcome this summer is really to not be afraid of speaking up: my uncle said one day that if I kept on this way, it’ll be difficult for me to get a job in whatever profession…from being a doctor to teaching (I wanted to teach kindergarten or at least, Sunday school) and much less to tell people about Jesus.
So I’ll really try my best this summer to talk with my grandmother and cousins, to speak up, to keep up with my devotionals, and hopefully I’ll be running in tandem with God =) Our lives are a marathon of miracles that God has showered upon us with so let’s treasure being able to live in His love & run that race He has set out for us =)