-_-

yay for first -_- post!
really, things never go the way you plan them... I know that.
but it gets frustrating and hence the -_-
then again, it's not about me right?
this past week of exams has been one of the worst ever in my life and I can start blaming it on not being able to keep up in school because of x, y and z ... but those have been choices that I've made myself to put time into. (At least we did get to play Rhapsody in Blue this term!)
The fact that I've chosen to spend more time outside of CCF activities/ministries this term, hoping to build deeper friendships with my non-Christian classmates/friends, hoping to in a way, reach out more instead of always being within the bubble. There are times when I really wonder whether it was worth it, that I have to give so much of myself - time and effort and the emotional strain... if I'm one of Christ's ambassador, how far do I go ... for example, when asked to help them?
The first time, in second year, when I did go as far as to feel like I was being walked over, God was actually working in my friend. He was doing the work though and not me. I can't for words express the joy to see my friend accepting Him in her life and seeking the purpose of her life in a totally different light - to be aligned with His will.
Coming back to the present, it's not always about seeing results though eh?
Whether it's outreach, or the different ministries, or in our relationships with others, the only reason to question I can think of for now, is to see how we can improve.
it's kind of interesting how I really wanted to start off an -_- post but I can't stick to that =P
Sometimes I wonder whether my optimism came from being strongly influenced by the book Pollyanna. (For those of you who don't know, google it! first hit is wiki's article on Pollyanna and second hit, interestingly enough is Pollyanna principle, psych stuff and there's even a mention of IBM Pollyanna Principle!!! =P)
As Christians though, we have to know so clearly that our joy and optimism - they don't come out of nowhere. It is from Him and the knowledge of Him revealed to us.
I was reading 2 Corinthians and one of my favourite verses from it the other day...
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:6
I like writing verses down in my journal and meditating on them, and when I first wrote this one down, and on underlining all the key words, I just found it so amazing how He has indeed given us the knowledge of His glory!
Anyways, to end off, it is not that we live in a fairytale land somewhere up in the clouds full of stars with smiley faces (hehe some of you might guess the reference to this) so that we can be happy all day, or that we numb ourselves from all the pain and hardships and be an excessively optimistic "Pollyanna" to the point of naïveté.
But realizing that in whatever circumstance, whatever the results may be... our faith, hope and love stem from Him alone.
May we stand firm in Him.