relearning the life lessons

Ever felt like you’re just living one day at a time, wanting to get over it, hoping for the end to come when things will finally get better?

For me, this term has gone by so quickly. There simply is no time to slow down, no time for reflection. My lab partner recently (jokingly) commented that I seemed to have no life what with school and all the other stuff I’m involved in. My response to that - I don’t think so, I’m doing the things I like…

Or am I really? Then where does the (sub)consciousness of being on the wrong track and “hoping” for things to get better come in?

It might have been a conversation I had with someone, or during worship, a bible study session, or a sermon that struck me at one point in time that I’m not on the right track, and there’s so much more to this. And yes, the knowledge that it’s not at all impossible to make a change - His sovereignty over our lives and over all.

Yes, there are those numerous times that we have failed – in our everyday work, relationships with others, ministries maybe. Yet His forgiveness, grace and mercy are immeasurably greater than that. Do we really realize that or are we taking those second (or even third, fourth etc.) chances as a one-time thing to be thankful about? I have so often set goals and promises that I never keep and yet, I have been given so many more second chances than I deserve to be given. School, sleeping schedule, time-management, spending more time with my parents, with friends…the list goes on.*

But…it’s not just the things of the past that we’re thankful for, nor the “better” future, that we should be focusing on.

It’s right now…each and every moment of our lives.

最美麗的時刻

The most beautiful moments in life, are they not when you are being drawn so close, so close to Him? In our times of happiness, successes, failures, brokenness…the most beautiful moments are when we truly focus on Him whatever the circumstances, receiving the love, joy and peace He so freely and abundantly gives.

Coming to that realization, I finally understood why I have been feeling so tired and weary all this while. I was tired of having to “waste” so much of my weekends travelling back and forth Waterloo and Toronto (greyhound & ttc -_-), tired of being “sick”, tired of having to care for others when I didn’t think I had enough time to look after myself…I was becoming more and more focused on self than ever. It’s true that the treatment hasn’t been working that well, and spending all that time and money may not seem worth it at all. A reasonable thing to be complaining/ranting about? Nope. The more miserable I felt about it though and wanted to run away from it (ie. coming back to Waterloo and not thinking about it), the more I ended up robbing myself of the moments of the present. Those moments that I could have well-cherished such as family time, hanging out with family friends, and above all, the joy of being drawn closer to Him. My mind was just so focused on just getting out of Toronto to be back in Waterloo so that I can get on with things that are actually in my plan, that I seemed zoned out of the present. Much worse than that, I seemed so distant from Him.

By His grace, mercy and forgiveness (second+ chances!), last week I finally understood that I had to make a change. No more complaining. Not even the last bit of resentment or bitterness towards this process (through which I believe, He is growing me). To know and trust that He is with me every single step. Though I didn’t have much time to spend with my mum before she left, I did get to spend time with the kids – Kristi and Kowin =) I didn’t bring out any of my work, so I watched TV with them (haha last episode of ANTM with Kristi!) and had a pretty good chat with Kristi about God. Played circuits with Kowin too =P

It was not bad at all…when I finally lifted up my burdens to Him and cherished the moments He has given me. Including those moments I’m alone on the bus, or immobilized on the bed with the needles stuck on me everywhere (it’s not too bad =P)…those are great times for reflection, for prayer, for listening to Him. For too many weeks, I had been missing those out and just running away from that.

Blessing upon blessing, grace upon grace, He has been sustaining me through the encouragement of family and friends who have been praying for me, who have been taking care of me so well despite their own busyness, and last but not least, the encouraging words of Auntie Doctor. It’s indescribable goodness how God has placed her in my life to declare of His love and His healing power.

So whatever we are going through now, may we always remember to slow down, to be still in His presence, humbling ourselves to learn and relearn those life lessons…and to experience the joy of intimacy with Him at that very moment =)

ending off with 2 Cor. 12:9-10...really as a reminder (to me) more than anything...

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

(*so I was writing halfway and came across jlin’s blog post Reiteration, where he expresses the thought really nicely...and of course, much more concisely =P)