needy

I haven't had the urge to blog much recently. Too many random thoughts in my mind that I haven't unravelled, or can't seem to.

I heard the term "needy" being used today. It reminded me of the past Tuesday when I was volunteering at Peds. I was watching over a month-old baby girl when she started crying uncontrollably. I've handled crying babies fine but this one really didn't seem to want to stop crying. She wanted something more... and I knew that was most likely her desire to be picked up and held. I was a little more hesitant than usual with this baby although her mum gave me the permission to hold her but ... besides the tubes in her, she looked sooo very tiny! I was still trying to hold out, hoping she'd stop crying somehow with me wrapping my hand around her tiny one, when her dad stepped in.

We exchanged quick greetings and he quickly turned his attention toward his daughter. He picked her up and asked softly, "Baby b., why are you so needy?"

That line stayed with me.
The dad talked with me about my plans and I got to tell him about my dreams of becoming a paediatrician (or pediatrician =P). When he asked why, I gave him the answer I usually give - because I love kids. He highly recommended Mcmaster, having obtaining his Master's in Biomed Engineering from there (it's kind of funny how he didn't want to regard UToronto Med as a good medical school... though he gives McGill's its due credit).

That aside, we moved on to the topic on family. He has another daughter (2-year-old and she's the cutest kid!!! the way she coloured winnie the pooh & friends was sooooo adorable! =P and he thinks 2 is really more than enough. They are a "hassle". My first thought was "No!!! how can they be a hassle???"
But as I thought deeper, I realized that yes, he has one still trying to recover in the hospital and I can't argue against him since I'm coming from absolutely no experience. And I knew for a fact that his wife, exhausted from spending x days/nights at the hospital, was now having her "small break" but not really, since she still had to watch over and play with their other daughter. Yet, I couldn't help thinking that even at that moment, he didn't truly believe that his kids are a hassle... or even if they were, they were more than worth it.
He was not holding back his affection at all for his little girl.
His "needy" little girl.

The "needy" one in the relationship really does need that sort of attention. That affection. That love.

I know for sure that I've received much more than that. For I have received even though I have sinned so greatly against the other, and have caused so much grief. Being so self-absorbed, self-righteous, unloving and uncaring, speaking cold and empty words instead of showing kindness and gentleness, worrying about the most trivial of things, wanting to be satisfied by things in life that don't really matter in the end, turning away again and again...
It is a pathetic state to be in but what is so shameful about admitting to be needy if we understand what we are in need of?

I have truly received love that is undeserved, unreserved and unfailing.

Thank God for pouring His love out to me, the needy one.


12 Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
~ Psalm 19:12-14

1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
~ Psalm 34